Few years back, it didn’t seem to matter to me. It would just be a date for me. A date which will remind me of my Pops – his birthday. But this year, it felt a little funny. For one, I happen to tag my sister in one of the photos in my FB album. It was the only pic I have of me and Pops (with my elder sister). And it was a pic I had posted a year ago – to wish him a happy birthday. I didn’t even notice.. that the very day I tagged my sister (last Saturday Aug 11th) was indeed his actual birthday.
I knew for sure it wasn’t my PMS week yet. Somehow, I seem to be ‘bothered’ about Pops for the rest of my weekend. In my mind, I wondered how he’s been. Is he ok? Is he in good health? Is he happy with whatever life he’s having with right now? But most of all, I truly wonder – Does he even think about us kids? Do we make any difference in his entire life? Will I ever know?
You see.. I had just experienced my deepest darkest depression ever in my life about a month ago. It was the worst I ever felt! It was dark and scary. I had never felt so alone before! And through that, I came across Louise L Hay and the finer side of my faith.
As I took baby steps each day through LLH’s audiobook – You Can Heal Your Life, I’m finally on the right track! All these years, my negative patterns, my negative self-talk, the negative behaviours which I hated so much but couldn’t seem to put finger as to why I had to go through all these negative cycle over and over and over again all my life! – a tiny sense of hope finally came back to me.
Long story short, I have finally saw the light. All these years, I have been having my innerchild lugging around in me and it’s struggling to be heard.
So here I am, attempting to release my innerchild little by little, on a daily basis.